My ticket is bought + financial support continues to grow + I've been officially accepted onto YWAM Iquitos staff = I'M REALLY GOING!!! I fly out in 28 days. I have almost all of the monthly support for basic needs covered. I am just blown away by how God has orchestrated all of this to work out so perfectly.
The reason I wanted to blog was to share something specific with you guys that just dawned on me a couple days ago. I have never had to completely rely on Jesus to provide for me financially. I've always been financially responsible, have worked pretty much full-time since I was 14, and have been able to take good care of myself throughout the years. I have been able to pay my way through the things I wanted in life with occasional help from a couple people along the way. But this whole moving to Peru to become a full-time missionary business made providing for myself impossible, and relying on God my only option.
I won't have a source of income while I'm there (for however long that may be), and will be surviving off of donations, as I'm sure you've all gathered by now. I thought that this would be my biggest obstacle in moving back to Iquitos. I initially had the invitation last fall to join staff at YWAM Iquitos, and didn't even consider it to be a possibility until February-March of this year. I was so nervous that the funds wouldn't come, that my friends are too poor to support me, and I didn't even know if people would want to donate. I knew people "believed in my dreams", but who knew they would give so much of themselves to back me up in pursuing my passion?
Everything in the planning process has been going pretty smoothly so far - until this past week when my life here in MN started falling apart a bit. I've been super sick for weeks now, my job as a PCA has been so much more difficult than the average PCA position, and two days before the September rent was due at the house I share with a friend, the 3rd roommate we had just done the entire application process with to move in on the 1st decided to move back to her home state. This seemed like a great time to freak out... Which I have done a little bit. Challenges like this make me want to hide in my room with some chocolate and not emerge until I'm positive that there is nothing outside my door but unicorns and rainbows and happy people.
The day after this girl backed out on moving in with us, I asked God what the heck He was up to. I was not pleased at all with the probable extra rent money I'd have to pay when I'm clearly paying for much more important things right now, like leaving the country to serve Him. I thought He should know that I was fairly annoyed that this would be happening to me. In response, He gave me an overwhelming peace. I'm like a little kid stomping my foot to show how ticked I am that things are not going my way, and He responds by reminding me that His plan is always better. After this conversation with Him, it was so much less stressful to know that He obviously had someone better in mind to move in. His intention is never to leave me hanging or cause me harm. It was such a relief to know that God was doing things His own way, and I didn't have to worry about it.
Two days later, we met two awesome Christian women interested in the house. They will both move in October 1st, and they are such a perfect fit to be living with Dee once I'm gone! I'm excited because they're really fun, great ladies, and slightly jealous that Dee will have new friends all to herself.
So this realization hit me as I was pondering how this all worked out: Being forced into trusting the Lord with absolutely everything has made trusting Him with the little things so much easier. I guess that sounds like common sense, that if He can provide for me to move to another country and follow my greatest dream, obviously He would take care of the easy stuff. But I was amazed at how my trust in Him came so quickly, and not something I had to force myself to believe in (but secretly have a backup plan just in case...). I chose to believe that the last 2 girls we asked to move into this house backed out because God had someone much better in mind. I'm choosing to believe that things at my job are happening for a good reason. Choosing to trust in His goodness isn't such a hard thing to do anymore though - and this reminds me of how much my heart has healed this past year working on my relationship with God, and how He has immensely blessed me in return.
I'd like to encourage you guys to do the same thing. If there's something big that Jesus has laid on your heart, choose to believe that He's got His own way of doing things, and if waiting is where you're at right now, it is SOOOOO worth it! If trusting in His provision is your struggle (like mine often is), His love never fails! What a wonderful God we have!!!
