Determined To Be Used

At the Upper Room last night, this was part of the message, being determined. Persistently determined to be exact. This is something that I really want to be, just not very good at it. If you've spent any time with me, you've probably seen me opinionated about one thing or another...and if you haven't, we clearly aren't close. Determination? Easy. Persistent, consistent, commitment? Not so much.

The speaker asked us to think of something we feel passionate about that moves us to tears. Sex slavery was the first thing that came to mind. Human trafficking. Poverty. Homelessness. These are things that I personally strive to make a difference for when I'm feeling motivated. But the thing that devastated me probably more than any of these was about a year ago when I found out that two of my really close friends of the time had decided to "take a break" from Christ and their walk with Him. I literally cried about it for days.
In Romans 9: 1-3 (Message version), Paul says "At the same time, you need to know that I carry with me at all times a huge sorrow. It's an enormous pain deep within me, and I'm never free of it. I'm not exaggerating -Christ and the Holy Spirit are my witnesses. It's the Israelites... If there were any way I could be cursed by the Messiah so they could be blessed by him, I'd do it in a minute. They're my family. ..."
Other versions say that he felt 'unceasing anguish'. That's exactly how I felt. Then he goes on to say that if he could give up his own salvation, his own ticket into eternity with his greatest love, he would do it in a heartbeat just for the sake of someone he considered family. Also exactly how I felt. I was pretty much just torn up about the fact that two of my favorite people would not be in Heaven with me, and I was so anguished -there really isn't a better word for it- that they were not even interested in the best thing that anyone could possibly have. I guess that's my own opinion since I have some friends that won't agree with that statement at all, but whatever. Basically, I was devastated and that was one of the hardest things I ever had to deal with that I could really do nothing about.
Anyways. the speaker encouraged us to take what broke us the most and find a way to use that passion to bring goodness and hope to the world. Then of course God decides that I need to be challenged a little more than that, and tells me that I don't just get to feel this upset about people that are close to me when they choose to follow what they want instead of what He wants. I need to feel this way about every single person on earth. He reminded me that everyone is His child and that I'm pretty blind to that.
So. Apparently my next challenge to add to the list is to really tap into this while I'm at YWAM. Really it's the perfect opportunity because I'll be evangelizing in some way when I'm doing outreach, probably talking to people I've never met before about Christ on a daily basis. As much as this scares me to begin with, now I need to realize that I should feel that same connection with them as I do with someone I consider a brother or sister already. I should be willing to sacrifice myself in order to bring them closer to God. With most strangers I come across, especially people that drive stupidly on the highway, this seems like one of the biggest mental obstacles ever. Do I really feel like I would give up my eternal happiness and hope for the person that flicked me off when they came to a complete stop on 394 for no apparent reason and of course I almost hit them? Do we really need the answer to this question?
I'mma need prayer on this one. As always. But I think I'm ready to try it out....