Thoughts On Kids, Kids, and More Kids

I don’t know what it is, but God has something to teach me through children. This has been made clear to me because I have never been a fan of kids, but my last two jobs and now one of my main responsibilities here at the YWAM base during the EDL (leadership school) is to work directly with kids for hours on end. The longer time goes on, the easier it gets for me, but by the end of the day, I am still not excited about booger covered hands that like to play in the trash and eat anything on the floor. Pretty sure that if adults acted the same way, I wouldn’t be excited about them either…but thankfully I only know a few like that ;)

I also don’t know what the Lord is trying to show me through this time of basically mourning the life I had in Minnesota. I loved my house, I loved my roommate, I loved the kids at my job (because they were a good time, not because they were children - let’s not get carried away here), I loved making money and feeling like I earned the little rewards I gave myself for working hard – like Taco Bell after an exhausting day, or the satisfaction of cleaning my kitchen. Now I obviously have no Taco Bell, and cleaning the kitchen here only lasts so long because there are so many hundreds of ants everywhere in the base (and Iquitos), that a counter only stays ant-free for a matter of minutes. It’s been really hard for me to miss those luxuries, and has made the transition here a bit difficult.

But what I do know… God tells us to love and be like children. The more time I spend with them, the more I re-learn how to play. I haven’t been very good at that until the last year or so. I still don’t really feel super comfortable playing with kids, but I’m at least able to take my life a little less seriously and have some fun when it’s needed. I’m also daily reminded of how we are supposed to have faith like children:

Matthew 18:3-5

3 And he said:“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

We are supposed to have faith that our Heavenly Father is always there to take care of us when we fall down and get a scrape, or to sort things out when we feel like somebody else is being unfair to us. Can you tell that I’ve been working with toddlers the last few weeks?

These little ones are also so attached to their parents, that the first two weeks, every single morning and afternoon when their parents would leave for class, we would have 4+ screaming, sobbing kids who could not be consoled in any way. What if my desire for my Heavenly Father were that strong? What if I just could not stand to be outside of His presence, or knowing that He’s nearby? What if I actually trusted that if I went to Him with absolutely any problem in the world, He would do His best to fix it and take care of me? What if I trusted that He actually knows how to do this life thing better than I do?

I know that I’m here for a very special reason. I do trust that He has a plan for me. But here I am, pouting like one of these toddlers that I can’t have my mediocre life at home, when He’s offering me life abundant. So I’m here now sharing my thoughts and questions with you guys, and asking that you pray for my heart to be more open to His fatherly love, and would trust the way Jesus taught us to.

These are 3 of the 7 kids that I work with every day! Moises, Elisabeth, and Alex.

Trusting In God Means This Is Really Happening!

My ticket is bought + financial support continues to grow + I've been officially accepted onto YWAM Iquitos staff  = I'M REALLY GOING!!! I fly out in 28 days. I have almost all of the monthly support for basic needs covered. I am just blown away by how God has orchestrated all of this to work out so perfectly.

The reason I wanted to blog was to share something specific with you guys that just dawned on me a couple days ago. I have never had to completely rely on Jesus to provide for me financially. I've always been financially responsible, have worked pretty much full-time since I was 14, and have been able to take good care of myself throughout the years. I have been able to pay my way through the things I wanted in life with occasional help from a couple people along the way. But this whole moving to Peru to become a full-time missionary business made providing for myself impossible, and relying on God my only option.

I won't have a source of income while I'm there (for however long that may be), and will be surviving off of donations, as I'm sure you've all gathered by now. I thought that this would be my biggest obstacle in moving back to Iquitos. I initially had the invitation last fall to join staff at YWAM Iquitos, and didn't even consider it to be a possibility until February-March of this year. I was so nervous that the funds wouldn't come, that my friends are too poor to support me, and I didn't even know if people would want to donate. I knew people "believed in my dreams", but who knew they would give so much of themselves to back me up in pursuing my passion?

Everything in the planning process has been going pretty smoothly so far - until this past week when my life here in MN started falling apart a bit. I've been super sick for weeks now, my job as a PCA has been so much more difficult than the average PCA position, and two days before the September rent was due at the house I share with a friend, the 3rd roommate we had just done the entire application process with to move in on the 1st decided to move back to her home state. This seemed like a great time to freak out... Which I have done a little bit. Challenges like this make me want to hide in my room with some chocolate and not emerge until I'm positive that there is nothing outside my door but unicorns and rainbows and happy people.

The day after this girl backed out on moving in with us, I asked God what the heck He was up to. I was not pleased at all with the probable extra rent money I'd have to pay when I'm clearly paying for much more important things right now, like leaving the country to serve Him. I thought He should know that I was fairly annoyed that this would be happening to me. In response, He gave me an overwhelming peace. I'm like a little kid stomping my foot to show how ticked I am that things are not going my way, and He responds by reminding me that His plan is always better. After this conversation with Him, it was so much less stressful to know that He obviously had someone better in mind to move in. His intention is never to leave me hanging or cause me harm. It was such a relief to know that God was doing things His own way, and I didn't have to worry about it.

Two days later, we met two awesome Christian women interested in the house. They will both move in October 1st, and they are such a perfect fit to be living with Dee once I'm gone! I'm excited because they're really fun, great ladies, and slightly jealous that Dee will have new friends all to herself.

So this realization hit me as I was pondering how this all worked out: Being forced into trusting the Lord with absolutely everything has made trusting Him with the little things so much easier. I guess that sounds like common sense, that if He can provide for me to move to another country and follow my greatest dream, obviously He would take care of the easy stuff. But I was amazed at how my trust in Him came so quickly, and not something I had to force myself to believe in (but secretly have a backup plan just in case...). I chose to believe that the last 2 girls we asked to move into this house backed out because God had someone much better in mind. I'm choosing to believe that things at my job are happening for a good reason. Choosing to trust in His goodness isn't such a hard thing to do anymore though - and this reminds me of how much my heart has healed this past year working on my relationship with God, and how He has immensely blessed me in return.

I'd like to encourage you guys to do the same thing. If there's something big that Jesus has laid on your heart, choose to believe that He's got His own way of doing things, and if waiting is where you're at right now, it is SOOOOO worth it! If trusting in His provision is your struggle (like mine often is), His love never fails! What a wonderful God we have!!!

I Have Not Been Given A Spirit Of Fear

I'm in the process of writing up a support letter to let you all know if you haven't heard already about my plans to go to Peru this upcoming fall! But I wanted to update everyone on a few things that aren't so finalized and ask for prayer support for the time being.

My life is crazy as usual - thankfully, the school year has ended for me academically and for my elementary school job! It's so strange to not be starting classes again soon, but I have been just as busy working on my future adventure! I'm applying as full-time staff with YWAM Iquitos, but won't know for a while whether or not I'll be accepted on staff. Either way, I feel very strongly that the Lord continues to confirm the timing and opportunity of my desire to work with women in Peru, and I will keep pursuing this open door unless it is made very clear that God has something else planned for right now. However, I'd like to ask you guys to come alongside me in prayer for both my application process and the preparations I need to make to leave the country.

My to-do list just keeps growing, as I'm sure lots of you understand :) I'll need to very quickly apply for a visa, renew my passport, go to various doctor's appointments, put together some presentations about my financial needs and plans in Peru that I'll show probably more than once at my church, as well as continue raising support since it's only just a few months away now! The plan is to leave sometime in the early fall, but that depends on my application status as well as having enough financial support committed.

I am so grateful to have such encouraging friends, family, and coworkers. You guys have been really supportive of my dreams for years now, and I hope to keep you all as involved as I can :) One of the ways I thought I could keep everyone in the loop was to finally blog about what's going on with these Peru plans, and share some prayer requests! That list of preparations that need to be made and the busyness that comes along with it is a huge prayer request for me. Some other prayer points would be clarity in communication with contacts in Iquitos, peace and rest through the summer of getting ready and raising support, God's provision in completing these tasks as well as financially! I've been somewhat nervous lately, even though everyone keeps telling me I'm so brave to step out of my comfort zone like this and trust God for every need that I have. Let me tell you that I don't feel brave at all! But that pushes me even further into prayer and trust in my relationship with Jesus as He guides me through this process. I constantly remind myself of a few scriptures in particular that are helping me so much in this season. I wanted to share them with you in hopes that you can pray them over me and my plans as well as for your own life :)

Thank you guys in advance for uplifting me in your prayer life. It means so much to me, and makes a world of difference!

Joshua 1:9

This is my command--be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.

2 Timothy 1:7

For God has not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Isaiah 61:1

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,

because the Lord has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners...

Finals...

Hellooooooooooo!

I just want everyone to know that at some point once I'm caught up with my finals at school and have some time to breathe, I will be working on an email update from my time in Panama! For those of you who don't already know, it was fantastic, and I DID in fact get some sun (so THERE). If you did not receive my first email about Panama, but would like to, please comment here, message me on facebook, or text me your email address so I can add you to the list.

Current prayer requests to keep you guys included in my life:
-I spoke at my school about human trafficking and got paid for it! I'm a legit speaker now. So cool. That was a really awesome opportunity that I will have to tell you more about, but after preparing for that presentation, I now have to focus on my finals.
I've got one presentation to do for my Social Problems and Deviance class, which I'm doing on human trafficking of course. I just need to polish it up since I have a short speech on that already, and then please pray that the class would be interested and learn something!

-I'm also doing a big research paper for my College Writing class that I haven't done much for yet... It's of course on human trafficking as well. Actually, it's specifically on the psychological effects of prostitution and sex trafficking, but not straying too far from my passion :) For this one, I really need the motivation and the time to sit down and really tackle this thing since I don't have much of a start on it. I could use as much prayer and encouragement on that one as possible.

-Since I don't have much spare time, I haven't put too much effort into this, but I'd really like to have a new job pretty soon. It's becoming a really unhealthy work environment at my job, and I would like to get involved somewhere that's gonna lead me to my goal later on rather than staying in food service forever. I'm searching for something social work related, or something that looks better on a resume in pursuit of that kinda thing. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm definitely open to hear them! I've applied a couple places, worked on my resume a bit, and am really hoping that I find something in the next couple months. Prayer for an excellent opportunity where God can grow my strengths and learning experience on my way towards my future would be appreciated so much.


This summer, I'm taking one online class, working, and hopefully catching up with people. My life has been extremely chaotic lately, and I decided to take it a little easier over the summer so that I can regroup and reconnect with a lot of you. I really like coffee, lunch, dinner, or dessert dates.... just sayin.... :)

If I can count on you to be praying for me, please let me know how I can return the favor!

When I say I got some sun, I mean I got terribly burned one day in a mountain village, as you can see. However, those lines of red you can see DID turn to tan in comparison to the rest of my skin. Just so everyone is aware. Oh, and this is my new friend Jair who said he was gonna come home with us. 

We Share In His Sufferings To Share In His Glory...?

This post is basically straight from my journal a couple nights ago... I'll probably star ** a couple things to mention down in the comments if you don't know what I'm talking about, like when I refer to the book study I've been doing.



August 22nd, 2013
I'm reading the Wrap Up for the 7 Experiment bible study* I'm now done with. And I just had a pretty important revelation... Well actually Jen Hatmaker (the author of 7) had it for me, but it completely applies to my life right now.
She was in the adoption process with many complications, as it always goes, and she broke down because she couldn't have her kids without roadblocks and every day was difficult to bear because it was one more day her kids wouldn't have parents or a family. She finally told God how much she was hurting and wouldn't stop grieving until she had her kids. He said that the adoption process wasn't just the happiness of bringing kids into a loving home, but for them as new parents (to these kids) to join in the suffering of the orphans. Jesus felt a lot of suffering in his time here, not necessarily being able to fix every problem or heartache he came across.

"If indeed we share in His sufferings in order that we may also share in His glory." - Romans 8:17

So my heart hurts all the time, and I hate that I have years of preparation in front of me before I'll "actually make a difference" (ok I know it's not true, but this is how I feel most days). I hate that human trafficking* is everywhere around me, and people get to work with it -to prevent it- all the time or go to Peru or wherever else and do something. I hate that there are women and children slaving away in bondage every single day, and I COULD DO SO MUCH IF I WERE JUST THERE. But here I am just going to school and work every day, feeling like I'm stuck here forever and I'll be old and wrinkly by the time I get to go do something useful for the world. Here I am, getting more depressed as the months go on because of this awful mundane schedule. As much as I understand what a gift and privilege education is and having a job, I wouldn't hesitate to pass it up if I felt I could be just as qualified to go pursue my dream tomorrow.
But here God says I am doing something. Not just the usual of 'being a witness' and 'serving in the little ways' or whatever. But in reality, I am learning their suffering firsthand (as much as possible in the safety of my life of freedom, I'm obviously not learning what it's like to be a slave). I will work one day with women and children who have spent years hating themselves and their situations, but feeling like there's no better option. Even if they're working towards something good, they've still got their past to haunt them, and so do I.
I know someday I'll be able to tell them "this is how I found freedom in the mundane". Obviously I'm still figuring that out... I've come an extremely long way in the past few years (thank you Jesus), but there's more joy to be discovered.
I guess I will understand suffering, yearning, unsatisfied passion, and impatience on a whole new level when this season is over. As much as I still hate it... at least there is some holiness to this place I'm in. God is good, and maybe there's hope for me and my crabbiness after all.

Halloween Rant

Oh boy. Someone please come and get me off my soap box. Oh wait, I don't actually want you to because I think everyone should seriously consider this :)

Once upon a time.. like a couple days ago.. my wonderful friend Joy posted on facebook a comment about how much money we put into Halloween and what a concept it would be if we instead put that money towards freeing sex slaves, providing education, and feeding the hungry. Of course this is why I'm friends with her, we think about the same things haha. Someone eventually commented that the average American will spend $79 on Halloween this year. $8 billion total. Continuing the conversation, another person mentioned what a huge difference it would make if Americans just spent less money on coffee and put it elsewhere. I mentioned that Americans spend $20 billion on ice cream per year. Anyways, someone else finally challenged Joy asking if she was actually going to put as much money into one of those causes as she did on Halloween expenses, soooo being myself, I decided to provide some quick access to find some good organizations because let's be honest, I fully support all of those things, especially freeing sex slaves.

So I think I'll post those links in a comment to this blog, but I had an idea after I shared some of my favorite organizations that give great things to provide safety, food, and education to people in need. A bunch of my close friends right now are in pretty desperate need of finances so that they can go out and do some of those things. There are two teams leaving my YWAM base in early December going to Nepal and India to practice what they've been learning so far in this Fall Discipleship Training School! Some of them are new students I don't know very well because I'm not at the base anymore and some of them are my close friends, but all of them are paying thousands of dollars for airfare and grounds fees (food, transportation, housing, etc) and they actually need their money in by the end of next week. I think most of them are completely depending on God to provide anywhere from $200-7000 in this short amount of time.

Sooooooo. If you're thinking this typical North American lifestyle of excess is a little lame, please please please consider giving absolutely anything that you can to any of these students and staff going out to serve the Lord and these countries! To partner with them in their ministry, either through prayer or financial support -both are very much needed- you can either contact me for details or check out the YWAM Minneapolis facebook page for their phone number/address (or www.ywam-mn.org). I can give you specific names or a team to donate to, or you can call/email and ask who needs to be supported. Seriously, at this point, every single cent helps. They're looking for monthly/regularly pledged support or one time donations of literally any amount. Plus, checks written out to YWAM with a note attached saying who it's for are tax deductible! And you'll know that the five dollars you chose not to spend this week at Caribou/Starbucks is going to help a student or full time missionary share love with people that have never been shown kindness before. What could really be better than that?

Alright, that was my brilliant idea or maybe just the beginning of a tangent, as usual. Hopefully something you'll consider though? And share! Please! Make sure you also check out the links I'll post in the comments so you can support some legit organizations doing incredible things. But only after you support a YWAM missionary of course. :D

Videos

This is kind of random in timing since I haven't been in Peru for a long time now, but some people at the Iquitos base just made videos that I absolutely must share. They're especially great if you've been to the Amazon (so fellow YWAMers), even if it was a couple years ago because these pictures go back since the River ministry started.  I figured it would be fun for you guys to see an overview of the ministry of the YWAM Iquitos base. I recognize a lot of the villagers you'll see, and you can actually see pictures with my team (and a couple shots of me) in both videos, which makes me basically famous :)  

They're on youtube, I wish I could just embed them here but since they're not my videos, you'll just have to go through the strenuous effort of clicking on these links.

This one shows a bit from each ministry out of YWAM Iquitos

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-4SszAmspo&feature=context-cha

And this one is specifically showing the ministry geared towards youth. Maira and Waldir are the ones that head this up, and we worked with them the majority of our time on my last Outreach (Dec. 2011-Feb. 2012). We did various youth camps and programs throughout the trip which was really fun for me because this is my favorite age group to work with (teens and young adults). 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b4UU3gbI1v0&feature=plcp

Enjoy!