I also don’t
know what the Lord is trying to show me through this time of basically mourning
the life I had in Minnesota. I loved my house, I loved my roommate, I loved the
kids at my job (because they were a good time, not because they were children - let’s not get carried away here), I loved making money and feeling like I earned
the little rewards I gave myself for working hard – like Taco Bell after an
exhausting day, or the satisfaction of cleaning my kitchen. Now I obviously
have no Taco Bell, and cleaning the kitchen here only lasts so long because
there are so many hundreds of ants everywhere in the base (and Iquitos), that a
counter only stays ant-free for a matter of minutes. It’s been really hard for
me to miss those luxuries, and has made the transition here a bit difficult.
But what I do
know… God tells us to love and be like children. The more time I spend with
them, the more I re-learn how to play. I haven’t been very good at that until
the last year or so. I still don’t really feel super comfortable playing with
kids, but I’m at least able to take my life a little less seriously and have
some fun when it’s needed. I’m also daily reminded of how we are supposed to
have faith like children:
Matthew 18:3-5
3 And he said:“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.
We are
supposed to have faith that our Heavenly Father is always there to take care of
us when we fall down and get a scrape, or to sort things out when we feel like
somebody else is being unfair to us. Can you tell that I’ve been working with
toddlers the last few weeks?
These little
ones are also so attached to their parents, that the first two weeks, every
single morning and afternoon when their parents would leave for class, we would
have 4+ screaming, sobbing kids who could not be consoled in any way. What if
my desire for my Heavenly Father were that strong? What if I just could not
stand to be outside of His presence, or knowing that He’s nearby? What if I actually
trusted that if I went to Him with absolutely any problem in the world, He
would do His best to fix it and take care of me? What if I trusted that He
actually knows how to do this life thing better than I do?
I know that I’m
here for a very special reason. I do trust that He has a plan for me. But here I
am, pouting like one of these toddlers that I can’t have my mediocre life at
home, when He’s offering me life abundant. So I’m here now sharing my thoughts
and questions with you guys, and asking that you pray for my heart to be more
open to His fatherly love, and would trust the way Jesus taught us to.
These are 3 of the 7 kids that I work with every day! Moises, Elisabeth, and Alex.
